A diplomatic envoy arrives on DS9, hilarious hijinks ensue!
A Vulcan and two other aliens walk into a bar. They bitch to Dr. Bashir about their quarters.
A randy, boomer cougar cradles Odo in her lap.
All this, and more, on this week’s Deep Space Nine!
Primary Plot
Lwaxana Troi is part of a diplomatic delegation of various Federation ambassadors who are all visiting DS9 for some reason. That may have been addressed in the episode, but if so, I missed it. If it was, it was just a technobabble MacGuffin anyway, and has no bearing on anything that takes place this week.
Three of the four ambassadors are clearly moody at the prospects of being stuck on such a “dignified” and “highly regarded,” “cultured,” and “prestigious” a locale as DS9. Upon arrival, they immediately corner the doctor and gripe to him about their accommodations. Since they are diplomats from the Federation, this probably makes good political sense. One wouldn’t want to talk to anyone actually in charge, who might be able to make improvements, as that would remove one avenue of discontent. Then they might have to actually get results as diplomats, reaching agreements in discussion, etc. Of course, they could always bitch about the shape of the table at any negotiating session…
Anyway, Lwaxana Troi is the capable, sensible member of the diplomatic grouping. She immediately has her brooch stolen at Quark’s. Quick thinking by Odo not only proves that Lwuxana is barely capable of rubbing two brain cells together, but also (again) that Odo and Quark are the two most capable and intelligent individuals on DS9 at any time.
Systems break all over DS9 for no discernable reason. Lwaxana, having been outsmarted by Odo, desperately wants to pretend to have his babies and ends up getting stuck in the only elevator on DS9 with walls and doors. Odo must turn into a liquid form every 16 hours on the dot (biology being a careful and always prompt mistress) in order to rest, and is still stuck on the elevator with Lwaxana when it happens.
This is supposed to be a character development moment for the two of them, sharing and taking care of each other, etc. Odo is concerned, as no one has ever seen him in his liquid form. She pulls off her hair (she’s been wearing a wig this whole time), being vulnerable with him too. She then cradles his goo-ness in her lap, holding him on her dress. Conservation of mass is still non-existent, and his liquidness does not stain or leak through the fabric of her dress.
Hero O’brien eventually figures out all the malfunctions are being caused by sentient code downloaded into the DS9 systems from a probe. He coaxes the nefarious code into its own virtual pen and asks Sisko if he can keep it as a pet.
Dr. Bashir saves the rest of the ambassadors from an explosion, and they all treat him with newfound respect, having never gotten an upgrade on their quarters.
Other Thoughts
There’s boring, there’s bad writing, there’s pointless plots, there’s cringe, uber-cringe, gamma-cringe… and then there’s this DS9 episode.
I’m not even bothering with grabbing any screencaps on this one. The less I have to deal with it, the better. There’s certainly no reason to inflict it on anyone else.
Final Grade: F
Zero out of ten on this one. I’m sure there is worse TV out there, but I wager you’d have to put in some serious man-hours looking to best The Forsaken in awfulness. The title is appropriate. This episode is forsaken. Abandon all entertainment, ye who enter here.